Pesto ala Palarca

My husband loves pesto and after using some ready to use pesto sauces in jars and sometimes the instant McCormick kind, I finally have my own Homemade Pesto Recipe. Most Pesto sauce recipes use pine nuts but since it's so darn hard to find them in our local grocery store, I'm using almonds instead. :-) cheaper and always available.

Word of advice: If you don't have a food processor or atleast a blender, I suggest get one first before making this recipe. Hehe. :-)

Ingredients:

2 cups fresh basil leaves (chopped, minced) choose the sweet kind
1 cup EVOO or extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup grated Parmesan Cheese
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/3 cup Almonds, lightly toasted
dash of salt of pepper (adjust according to taste)

In a food processor, mix everything together while adding the EVOO gradually. If you're using a blender, this can be tricky so make sure you pause to scrape the mixture with a spatula.

This sauce can last in the fridge for 2-3 days. Thaw first before adding to the pasta.

More tips:
> Chicken goes well with pasta and pasta. So cook cubed chicken breast fillet in some olive oil, season with salt and pepper, then when chicken is already cooked, add the homemade pasta sauce. Stir for a few seconds then pour over pasta!

> This pesto sauce is also great for PIZZA! Just buy one of those ready to bake pizza crusts. I prefer the thin crust. Spread the pesto sauce over it, top pesto pizza with boiled shrimp slices, or chicken breasts, tomatoes, and lots of mozzarella cheese!

Marrying God's Family

When I was in my teens, I used to declare that I would rather marry an ORPHAN so that I wouldn’t have to deal with his family. Having been raised in a broken home, it’s pretty obvious that I had a lack of role models when it came to marriage and family matters. To add insult to injury, I had a mother who had all the wanton ways of a woman. Given all these variables in my life, I got so scared about marriage, especially the Meet-The-Parents part. How do you expect me to deal with a mother-in-law when I can’t even handle my own mom?

However, even if I was really considering it, I told myself that finding an orphan man who can fit all my requirements for a life partner may be a tall order. So to make things easier, I just told myself I’d rather not marry, and just date, date and date. I wasn’t even consciously doing it but I soon found out that I was successively dating guys who all had their own parental conflicts too. I thought at that time, “Great maybe being on the same boat is a good compatibility factor!” … I was wrong of course. Should I be surprised that these men had commitment issues as well?

And alas, God and his mysterious ways got me again. :-) Not only did He make me marry a man with a tight-knit family; with a very involved mother, He just really had to make me marry a man whose family extends to the entirety of the church. I got the ultimate complete opposite of what I wanted.

I always tell my husband that it is quite overwhelming to suddenly be part of this large community. It is amazing that most of the elders in the church have actually been part of my husband’s growing up years from the time when he was just in Children’s Choir, ‘til he grew up into his teens (and seeing him devastated by his first major heartbreak which the entire church is well aware of), until finally becoming one of the Board Members of the church at the age of 29. They know everything about him! And I just can’t easily handle the idea that sooner or later I too will be under the microscope of these people.

When we “officially” had a steady relationship, I told him that this whole situation was scaring the guts out of me. I didn’t know how to “properly” deal with his family because I definitely have a dysfunctional way of dealing with mine. And more so, I didn’t know how to be a part of this large community! It was more than overwhelming. I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of having “everyone” involved in my life.

Working in the media has made me a professional crowd pleaser but it was not as if I had to make deep relationships with the people I met at parties. This time, in church, without any written rule hovering around, I can just feel the strong ties and the connection of everyone. Imagine how hard it was for me to “successfully” break into Joseph’s circle of friends in church. At first I thought they were quite “clique-ish” and of course, what even made it harder for me to fit in was the fact that some didn’t actually approve our relationship INITIALLY.

I really asked God “Lord, do I really need to be with these people? How can I be in sincere fellowship with them if they resent me?” But of course, there wasn’t really any truth to those thoughts of mine. The resentment, prejudice, and rejection were all just in my mind. This time, I knew God wouldn’t allow this sheep (me) to fall off the cliff again. With God’s Grace, my husband’s family and the people close to him really reached out to me. I can definitely say that I am where I am right now in my walk with the Lord because this church remained faithful and really wrestled in prayer for me; interceding for me.

"We who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification."Romans 15:1-2

God’s Love prevailed at the end of it all. I can’t thank my COC enough and the other people who I have gotten close to in CCBC for being my Epaphras. I may have grown up in a broken home but now I am flourishing in God’s Family.

Simply Put-Oh!

This is a Puto recipe that I "inherited" from my maternal grandma. I used to sell these when I was in High School (yup inside the classroom and during class! haha). By the way, I still sell them, so order anytime. :-)





Ingredients:

• 2 cups All Purpose Flour
• 2 cups Cake Flour
• 2 cups Sugar
• 3 tbsps Baking Powder
• 1/4 tsp Iodized Salt
• 1 medium size Egg
• 1 tbsp Margarine
• 1/2 cup Fresh Milk or Evaporated Milk
• 2 cups Water
• Cheddar Cheese cut into 1 inch squares

Instructions:

• Sift all dry ingredients together (flour, sugar, baking powder and salt)
• In a separate bowl, beat egg with milk and margarine.
• With an electric mixer, mix the dry and wet ingredients together.
• Add the water gradually.
• Mix until the batter is smooth and without lumps.
• Lightly grease muffin pans or any mold you want to use with lmargarine.
• Use an ice cream scooper to pour batter into the molds.
• Make sure you leave about 1/3 space at the top to allow the puto to expand.
• Top each one with a slice of cheese.
• Place in steamer and steam for about 30 minutes or until cake is firm.

Spicy Chicken Wings

Here's one of the easiest recipes I always use for no-time-to-prepare parties.

Ingredients:

• 1 kilo Chicken Wings
• Salt
• Pepper
• All Purpose Flour
• Vegetable Oil

Sauce:

• 100ml packet of Tomato Sauce
• 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 tbsp Korean Hot Pepper Sauce (add more or less according to your spice preference)
• a dash of the ff spices:

Dried Basil
Thyme
Oregano
Sage
Pepper
Italian Seasoning
Spanish Paprika

• A handful of chopped Cilantro

Instructions:
Pat the chicken dry and season with Salt & Pepper.
Cook in steamer for 30 minutes.
After Chicken is cooked in steamer, dredge in flour.
Deep fry in vegetable oil until chicken is lightly golden.
Drain & Set aside.

In a saucepan, mix the tomato sauce, sugar, hot pepper sauce, and all the spices with a whisk.
Simmer until sugar is dissolved.
Add the chopped cilantro.
Add the fried chicken and coat with the sauce mixture.

Behind the Veil: The Untold Story of my Wedding Day

This blog entry was originally posted on http://jillaceous.multiply.com/ a couple of weeks after my wedding.

************************************************************************************
All I can say is… Thank you Lord! Finally! Another breakthrough in my life and I could not have done it without God! I know a lot of people are itching to hear the whole story of my wedding – the disasters, the drama and the bloopers! So this is it! It took me some days for me to recuperate and reflect on all the things that happened on the week of my wedding. It still feels like a dream to be actually “married”. It’s as if the wedding day didn’t happen yet. Honestly right now, I still have that natural urge to go over my wedding files. Imagine… all those months of meticulous planning, Excel-files frenzy, Internet research, sleepless nights, petty fights… all culminated in a bizarre, sweeping, surreal night. Just like that!

Again, God indeed revealed himself to “control-freak” me that He is the only Master Planner! He is the ultimate Wedding Day coordinator! He is the Author of my Wedding day story! And true enough, I always knew that God has a special fondness for me. I’m definitely not made for cliché. God made sure that our wedding would be “memorable!” And so naturally, Jill’s wedding day would not have been complete without the DRAMA and the DISASTER. :-)

I really don’t know where to start. WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO BE LOOOOONG.

Let’s just kick it off with that week leading to April 19. My WHOLE family (and I’m not exaggerating; that includes my complete set of cousins, titos, titas, and grandparents) from the States, Davao, Korea and London arrived much earlier than I had hoped for. I really would have wanted them to arrive much later because I needed the time and my workspace at home to finish up all my pending projects with Direk Rich and for Shall We Dance. Interestingly, I had the most number of projects during my wedding planning months! I know I asked God for financial provisions but I think I forgot to add “ease in workload” in my supplications. I was so mega-harassed and stressed-out. But of course, I had to finish my work. It was months of juggling work deadlines, wedding planning, taking care of Kean, church commitments and “saving” my relationship with Joseph.

MY BIG FAT PINOY WEDDING…

And so my family arrived and they seized the condo. That meant I could not work anymore so I had to give up 4 episodes of Shall We Dance. Sigh. That meant 1 month’s worth of income down the drain. However, prior to that I was already so distracted. A week or so leading to my wedding day, my mom had been putting so much pressure on me already. They were usually money issues so I won’t expound anymore. And the plot thickened when my sister arrived in the scene. In the middle of all the wedding stress between me and my mom, my sister had to butt in with her own mama issues. I got calls at 4AM. My sister and mom let out laments that they’re not attending the wedding anymore because they’re fighting. And I know mama too well that if she starts becoming stressed out she has this tendency to say “too much”. At the peak of her stress, she threatened to boycott the wedding because of my sister; and because she’s not ready to see my father. And then she goes on by saying that my wedding gown (which was being made at my aunt’s atelier in Davao) was ruined because my aunt’s seamstress didn’t know how to handle the silk georgette fabric; and that the entourage dresses don’t look pretty, etc etc… she just never ran out of negative things to say. She started to nitpick on every aspect of my wedding down to the lechon! I could not count how many times she reminded me if I had ordered lechon already.



At that point, I really could not understand why she was trying to sabotage my happiness. That was the time when I felt that my family probably didn't love me. Here I was all stressed out with my wedding preps and all they could think about was their Grand Vacation. Amidst all the preps, I had to squeeze in apartelle and transpo bookings for all of my relatives. And when I finally got them accommodations, I even got complaints instead of thanks. Sigh. There’s just no way pleasing them. I was really beginning to feel hurt and irked. It was as if my wedding was just a coincidence in their summer plans. But with God’s grace, and through prayers, I opened up my heart to the perspective that mama and the rest of my family are just SUPER excited. I know they just want this whole event to be perfect for everyone. Too bad that most of the time, their excitement eats the better of them.

Now that’s just on my side of the family. Joseph had his own family drama but I’ll leave it to him to tell his story. :-)

BECOMING BRIDEZILLA…
Since the beginning of my wedding preparation, I told myself that I will never be a Bridezilla. Joseph and I didn’t really want to get a wedding coordinator because we really are a Hands-On couple. We expected that the planning would be more tedious if we do it on our own but we felt that if we handed the reins over to a coordinator, it would be like getting a yaya for my newborn child. Sure that’s helpful but I don’t really want stranger’s arms cradling my baby. I sought help from friends for minor details but Joseph and I did all the diaper-changing for the wedding. Of course, weddings like new born babies can be unfathomable creatures at times. Joseph and I had our own fair share of petty fights, sleepless nights, and panic attacks (oh that was just me!)

But on the week leading to our wedding, the stress levels were just too high that the Bridezilla had to emerge. You know, I’m pretty easy to please. BUT that doesn’t mean I don’t hold certain standards. All the wedding details were pretty much in place except for the MUSIC. After months of budget consideration, we ended up with Cadenza Music Ensemble. I really haven’t heard of them. We only got them for personal reasons. Apple one of our church mates was the new vocalist. And one of the other soon-to-be-married couples in our church was also getting them so the recommendation was enough. Since we always wanted a personal connection to our suppliers, we decided to get them. Honestly, I already felt something fishy the moment I began arranging schedules with them. In one word, the perfect way to describe them was “Malabo!” I would like to exempt Apple from this because she was also not spared with problems with her own band on her own wedding! So the band (minus Apple) was “Malabo”. First, they were not even paying half an attention to my specific instructions and requests despite my emails, text and YM messages. I constantly communicated with them but they were just so impeccably impossible to deal with. But I managed to extend my patience up until 3 days before my wedding day. It has already been a hectic and stressful week. All I wanted to do that day was to listen and finalize the song sequencing according to the program. Imagine, Joseph and I had to travel all the way to Taytay, Rizal only to be utterly disappointed.

It was stressful enough that they had to arrange a rehearsal meeting for us in all places – Taytay! But it was okay. Up until that point, I was still hopeful that I’m paying good money for sheer talent and professionalism! Unfortunately, I was wrong. Despite the fact that I asked them to tell us their entire list of terms and conditions the first time we met… despite the fact that I was efficient in providing them with all the materials that they would need (the program sequence, list of our requested songs, MP3s of the songs, etc etc)… despite my on time payment… they let me down SO BADLY! First of all, their band leader didn’t even take the time to open his email to review the sequence guide and the song list. The band didn’t even take the time to rehearse. They said they don’t really have extra time to rehearse because they all have day jobs! Uhm, hello! Why did you form a band if you can’t live up to the demands of the job and the client? And then he LIED to me when he said that I did not need to worry because he can arrange the songs I requested OVERNIGHT! They LIED to us by saying that they can accommodate our requested songs at no extra cost. They told me all these LIES 3 WEEKS before the wedding. And then 3 DAYS before the wedding, when I asked him what happened to the significant songs that I requested, he suddenly said “cockily” that the band actually charges the client for extra songs to be arranged! And that he doesn’t have time anymore to make the arrangements for the new songs. At this point, I just became an erupting Krakatoa Volcano! He tells me this information 3 days before the wedding? How dare him! Tell me if I didn’t have an ounce of a right to turn into Bridezilla at that time? But by God’s grace, I did not turn into an actual full-blown Bridezilla. Oh but I was really furious. I did what I had to do. I stated my opinion and feelings right then and there to their face. With a restrained but sharp as a samurai voice, I told them they were unprofessional, liars, and not worth even half of a single penny of their talent fee! After that highly emotional meeting, I just decided to let go. How can I book another string quartet 3 days before the wedding? The down payment was already issued so I was stuck with them. I just prayed for God to play the music for us on our wedding day.

At that point, I was really beginning to feel weary. Stress from our family’s expectations and criticisms; dealing with difficult suppliers like Cadenza… No amount of dieting and aerobic work-out was good enough with the high levels of cortisol in my body! The more people around me pressured me on my slimming down for the wedding, the more I got fat because of the stress thinking about my “bloatedness”. The fact that my future mother-in-law is into a Jane Fonda regimen didn’t help at all. Adding insult to injury is the fact that Joseph’s sisters were all reed thin. PRESSURE!!! I was really starting to get annoyed when people kept on noticing and quipping “Huy tumaba ka!” Is it my problem that I can’t lose weight when I’m stressed out? Sometimes, people just can’t understand that not all people are built to respond to work-outs and diets. Yes, I know my face is becoming more like siopao so maybe can you stop pointing it out and maybe it will slim down? Sigh. Anyway, that was Bridezilla me in my head during those times.

I know I’m still leaving out other details and glitches that happened but honestly sa dami nila, I can’t even remember all of them anymore. The ones I’m putting here are the most unforgettable ones at least as far as I can remember.

The worst was yet to come on my wedding day!

BOUQUET-LESS BRIDE!

One of the special things about our wedding is the fact that a lot of my good friends and family members contributed to it. Later on I’ll say my thanks to everyone who added to the beauty of our wedding day! But for now, let me just tell you about the BIGGEST disappointment that happened on my one special day.

I considered Neil Tan as one of my best friends in this world. We’ve been through a lot and as far as I’m concerned, the Neil Tan I knew will not let his friend down. He was there with me all through those years; all through my sleepless crying brokenhearted nights. We know each other’s family drama. We know the nooks and crannies of each other’s love lives. But I would have to admit, I have seen some “alterations” in Neil’s personality and priorities for the past 2 years. But these changes didn’t occur to me until my wedding day disaster happened. Up until that time, I had good faith in my old friend.

Neil was one of those few people who really knew Jill and Joseph’s entire love story. He was there during the low points. So the moment I got engaged, it was but natural that he signed up for something to do on my wedding. He volunteered himself to do the flowers: my bouquet and the posies for the entourage. Of course I was happy and thankful to the Lord. Being a bride on a budget, any kind of help is indeed a blessing. Months into the wedding, we were always collaborating on the designs of the bouquet. In fact, 2 weeks before my wedding, he even confirmed the exact types of flowers he was gonna use and he couldn’t stop exclaiming in his text messages how excited he is already. And then, 4 days before the wedding we were still okay. I even defended him to my mom who made a bad comment about him. I remember my mom saying “Naku anak, sigurado ka ba diyan kay Neil? Mga bading pa naman hindi mapagkakatiwalaan!” I was really angry at my mom for saying those. At that point, we were still “at war” remember, so I resented her saying something like that about one of my best friends. Little did I know that this time my mother was FINALLY RIGHT!

Ate Teri Lacayanga was gracious enough to accept wedding day coordinator duties for us. So a week before the wedding, we already gave her all the contact and supplier contract details. I know she didn’t want to upset me that’s why Neil’s “no reply” to all her calls and text messages didn’t reach me until on the wedding day itself. Ate Teri apologized for disturbing me that day. I was already at my hotel room waiting for my hair and make-up team when her messages came in. Neil Tan has been MIA for days now. Suddenly, a chill ran down my spine. My stomach turned. And I was slowly feeling some fever creeping into my body. I asked Roche to run to Neil’s condo to check on him. The guard said their log book showed that he was last seen going out of the building on April 17. Where in the world is Neil Tan?

At that point, I could not believe that Neil would be doing that to me – and of all days – on my wedding! His phone was ringing but he was not picking up. That’s when bizarre ideas came to me. Like I told you earlier, I’ve been noticing some slight changes in his personality. Recently, he’s been PARTYING a lot and mingling with strangers pretending to be friends… he’s been drinking a lot too…. Many times I tried to share the gospel with him but he wouldn’t budge. But despite all that, I stuck by him even if I was not pleased with his lifestyle. I was just there ready to listen to his laments because he did that for me before. So at that point, I didn’t know what I would want to hear. I don’t know what would be worse? To learn that he got into a drinking overdose or worse a drug accident? Or to learn that he just suddenly skipped town for work and didn’t even have the slightest ounce of courtesy to tell me about it? Either way it was bad. Either way it hurt. Either way it ruined my wedding. So there. I DIDN’T HAVE FLOWERS FOR ME & MY ENTOURAGE ON MY WEDDING and there was nothing I could do but lock myself up in my suite bathroom and cry. To top it all off, my mom arrived at my room and the moment she found out about Neil and the flowers… you guessed it… I got a stern “I TOLD YOU SO!” And I hated my mom even more for saying that.

On the way to the venue, I knew there was something wrong with me already. Either I was going to throw up in tension, sadness, stress or worse, develop hives. I know myself too well that if I get EXTREMELY STRESSED OUT, my allergies would act up. And true enough, by the time Joseph and I said I DO and KISSED… my rashes erupted on my skin and spread all over my legs, arms, and torso. But God is still GOOD because he didn’t allow any red spot to touch my face.

Until now, I still didn’t know what happened to Neil. I know he knows what he has done. I’m just waiting for him to come up to me and tell me his side of the story. I’m willing to listen. Although I can’t really believe that someone I have considered one of my trusted friends could not be trusted at all. Of all the days that he had to hurt me – it was my wedding day!

But despite that GOD IS GOOD! Because one person may have cursed it but MORE PEOPLE were blessings. And the next items on this blog are my sincerest shout-outs and happy thanks to the following people…

GOD BLESS THESE PEOPLE…

To all the people who attended and shared their blessings with us – THANK YOU SO MUCH! I kinda feel bad that some of my friends who I considered important (ahem Zharon Japitana) didn’t go and didn’t even tell me that something came up. I always believe in the saying “Pag gusto laging may paraan. Pag ayaw maraming dahilan.” Joseph and I were so overwhelmed that even my friends from Japan Jun and Tonette Collado were able to come home and see their “sseayp daughter” get married. Not to mention that Joseph’s officemate/friend Ronald Rabo and his wife Janess didn’t even finish the wedding they were also attending that day in Cagayan de Oro. The couple flew to CDO in the morning, attended a wedding ceremony and then flew out to Manila to see us Joseph and Jill tie the knot. :-) Even Lucy Torres managed to take time out of her busy schedule to see the ceremony atleast… See… it’s all about the heart! It’s people like them who inspire you to do good to other people too.

Moving on…


Contrary to what my mom was bickering about, my dress came out like how I wanted it to be. I just wanted a simple gown. Not too many bead work. No long trains. No balloon ball gowns. Eh si mama stuck in the ‘80s pa yata and wants me to look like a Santo Nino. But anyway, the dresses turned out to be pretty and mama naman said sorry for being negative about the dresses. She said she was just pressured that people might not like it so inunahan na nya. Nyek. SUPER THANKS TO Jhayar Magdaleno, my designer/seamstress. He even did some “magic” to my dress for the dance. And to the “walang-tulugan” sewing staff of Raquel’s Apparel.

My make-up was done by the very generous Jerome Chang (make-up artist to Lucy Torres and Vicki Belo and all other stars). I’m so grateful to him for giving me a MAJOR discount in the hair and make-up package. Imagine he’s the make-up artist to the stars. I definitely could not afford him hehe but God is so GRACIOUS that he touched Jerome’s generous heart.

And then there’s my ever reliable kumare Avie Tumbaga who supplied all the delicious smelling kapeng barako coffee beans for the wedding favors. Thank you to Maca Miro and Arlyn Lapuz who were so diligent in calling up all the guests for their RSVPs. And then there’s Sarah Palarca, my sister-in-law who went to Tabora market to source out the jute bags to be used for the wedding favors. And then there’s Queenie Palarca and her fellowship mates Mae Simon and Winwin who spend one long afternoon in my cndo to put together the coffee bean bag favors. And of course, I can’t say thank you enough to Ate Gloria Avante, our senior pastor’s wife who was so gracious in hosting my bridal shower at her home. She even dressed up her lanai like a Balinese spa and of course she whipped up a mouth-watering Asian salad and chili garlic chicken! Yum yum!

My friend for 17 years now, Muree Cua-Arcega made our rings and she gave it to us for an unimaginable low price. Speaking of rings, my sister Angelie Villanueva even paid for them. And of course, another good friend who surprisingly didn’t let me down this time is Arleen Bacay. She took our beautiful outdoor pre-nup photos that were used in the wedding programs, note cards, and favors. Even my director Rich Ilustre was generous enough to lend his 3CCD professional video camera for our wedding AVP shoot. Ryllah Berico, another good friend took time out of her busy schedule to sit down and edit our AVP. The AVP was terrific. Unfortunately, it was one of the casualties during the wedding reception. When it was about time to play, the LCD projector bogged down. Sayang talaga. The AVP was really beautiful. (You can view it here instead)

And so while the AVP bogged down, the program was greatly salvaged by two of my favorite people who emceed that night – Kate Lacson and Roy Molon! I heard a lot of guests say that my wedding reception was one of the funnest they have ever experienced. Kate, through time, I always knew you would do anything for a friend. Thank you to Kris Tan, one of Joseph’s fellowship mates, for running to the nearest pharmacy to get me some antihistamine for my allergies. And of course, running the whole show that day was superwoman herself Ate Teri Lacayanga! And of course another really dependable person on that day is Armie Collado of Blue Gardens.

Special thanks to Pastor Nicky Joya and his wife Sally. You are indeed more than marriage counselors – YOU ARE TRUE FRIENDS who are willing to lend us your time, ears, and hands. :-) Thank you for counseling us through the wedding preps.

But I would have to say that the biggest SUPERHEROES of that day were the ever reliable couple Paul and Grace Atienza and that nice lady who owns PACIFIC BLOOMS on Examiner Street! Paul as Joseph’s best friend and best man came to the rescue when they heard that my flowers didn’t go through. We knew it was a long shot for a florist to make a wedding bouquet 3 hours before the wedding but Paul and Grace tried their luck with Pacific Blooms. It was quite a high-class flower shop so the price range was quite steep. And since we weren’t prepared for a disaster like this, the contingency money was limited. But GOD once again performed a miracle. The lady who owned the shop was very compassionate and even shared that she had a similar situation with her flowers on her wedding years ago before she became a florist. Because she could relate, Ms. Pacific Blooms made my bouquet herself with the most beautiful pink and white Ecuadorian roses! In the nick of time, the bouquet was delivered to my doorstep. I was overwhelmed. The sight of roses had never made me cry like this before!

So there… I HAD A BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET OF PINK AND WHITE ROSES when I walked down the aisle.

People said they didn’t notice that the entourage girls and the ninangs/mothers didn’t have flowers with them. All in all, despite the STRESS ALLERGIES, the bloopers, the glitches… etc etc… IT WAS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE BECAUSE I GOT MARRIED TO THE ONE I LOVE.

Looking back, Joseph and I are at loss for words to our Almighty God for this gift. He could have decided to make the wedding NOT HAPPEN ENTIRELY but God wanted our wedding to be meaningful. With every disaster that Joseph and I faced, we became more in love with each other and we became more faithful in the Lord.

“When I look at the night sky and we see the work of your fingers – the moon and the stars you have set in place – what are mortals that you should think of us, mere humans that you should care for us?” PSALM 8:3-4

Of course, we would like to thank our families and parents especially my mom. I know she loves me. It’s just that she really has this weird way of showing it. :-) But I know she meant well. Nothing but perfection for her daughter.

Our wedding was filled with tears, rollicking laughter, and yes some allergies! :-) And God as the author of our love story sure didn’t want to make a mere telenovela. It had to end like a romantic comedy.

Warning on "Cadenza Music Ensemble"

This is my husband's "ranting" review on our Wedding Musicians. This blog entry was originally posted on our wedding site: http://josephandjill.multiply.com/m



Were giving this group one star because this is the lowest rating this review can allow & because we'd like to be fair to our friend who just happens to sing with this group. (Mrs. P: Otherwise, it's zero star)

Let us get straight to the point - if you are the kind of person who puts a high regard on the music you'd want to play on your wedding or on any important occassion for that matter, please save yourself the aggravation & disappointment & bring your money to another group because dealing with this group was really a pain.

We approached this group because of a friend who happened to have a common acquaintance in the group & because a friend of ours also sings for them. But we would later learn that friendship is no guarantee of quality or at least professionalism.

In our experience, Cadenza proved to be very unprofessional both in the way they conduct business with us, their clients, & the way they handled their music.

Our first meeting with them should been warning enough when we had to go all the way to their studio in Rizal under the blistering sun without any clear directions from them because apparently even they didn't know where they were. But we extended patience & after a couple of songs we decided to go with them still.

We gave them a list of songs we'd want them to play, songs that are really important to us & with all confidence we were assured that this would not be a problem. So we met again to make our payments to seal the deal.

However the days would turn into weeks without any word from them & without any advice from them on their progress. Even the singer didn't know what was happening & even what songs she was going to sing. This was days away from the wedding. But we were assured by them that everything was on track & that they would be able to play our songs.

Finally we had our last rehearsal with them. Sure enough they were able to play some of our songs. Unfortunately when we asked about the other songs, they suddenly came back at us with something like they can't find the time to make the music pieces to play our songs & that actually we had to pay extra for them to even play songs not on their repertoire. This was after all their assurances & the faith that we extended to them trusting that at least professionalism would prevail.

Suddenly we found ourselves stuck with a group that is not able to perform the way they promised us they would & days away with our wedding. So after giving them a piece of our mind, we told them they need to deliver on our wedding day because that was what they promised us.

It was a blessing that we were so preoccupied on our wedding day to even notice that this group was playing off-key in many songs, a fact our musician friends pointed out to us after the wedding otherwise we would have really thrown a fit.

This group is far from being a professional music group & you would do good to consider another group if you want to have beautiful music on your wedding day not to mention to spare yourself the mess of having to deal with such a group. (by: Joseph Palarca)

"Blue Gardens" for the Bride on a Budget

Joseph and I spent about 2 months searching for the appropriate venue for our wedding. I was googling like mad. We went to a handful of wedding fairs, Food Tasting events by possible caterers, and spent our weekends visiting some prospects. Our first idea was to really wed in Sonya's Garden, Tagaytay because this happens to be a very special place for us. However, when we considered the pros and cons, Sonyas became a challenging idea. But we still wanted to marry in an English Garden type of venue so we pursued the idea and looked for the perfect place here in Metro Manila.

I discovered Blue Gardens on the internet when I googled for "worry free wedding". And lo and behold, Blue Gardens really turned out to be what they promised. So far, among the NUMEROUS wedding packages that I studied throughout this hunt, Blue Gardens turned out to have the most practical quotation. If you're a BRIDE ON A BUDGET then this is the perfect place! Their garden, where the ceremonies usually happen and their Chateau where their receptions usually take place are LOVELY in a very humble and quaint way. It's SHABBY CHIC! :-) And I am a big shabby chic fan. So when I saw the premises, I just felt that this was the place God reserved for Joseph and me.

Their Worry Free Wedding Packages are complete. Their packages include the Caterer, Photography, Videography, Cake, Favors, and other details. However just a small footnote, don't expect TOP OF THE LINE suppliers for the Photography, Videography and Cake. I mean, they're OKAY as long as you're not expecting high-tech cutting edge services. Of course we all know that the top of the line Photo/Video services nowadays cost no lower than 50k. However, this does not mean that their in house Photo/Video Ferzze Zapata is no good. He's okay. Average at the least. BUT, there's a big BUT... IF we had more money, we would have gotten a more top of the line photo/video services separately. But hey, can you imagine that our whole Blue Gardens package including the ceremony didn't go beyond 150k? YES BRIDES TO BE... YOU CAN GET MARRIED LIKE ME (see our wedding photos) for only 150,000 pesos! :-) ALL IN NA YAN!

But of course, despite the pleasure of availing a COMPLETE WORRY FREE WEDDING PACKAGE, Joseph and I still want to tailor-fit our wedding according to our preferences to make it more personalized. Of course, we don't want to look like we just got a VALUE MEAL TYPE OF WEDDING.

So for our Blue Gardens package, we chose Lina Vitan as the caterer amogn the 4 accredited caterers of BLue Gardens (Hizons, Eloquente, Delica and Lina Vitan). We chose the Lina Vitan package because they're the CHEAPEST :-) hehe and besides I am already familiar with their food beacsue they usually cater t GMA events and as far as I remembered, their food was good. So there, we chose Lina Vitan. And then we signed up for their in-house photo/video which is Ferzze Zapata and just paid additional fees to upgrade the size of our official wedding album. Then we took out the Cake and the plant favors that were part fo the package. So the savings we got from the deductions were exchanged for other upgrades in the menu and other small stuff. We took out their cake because it was small and since I really want cupcakes for my wedding, we ordered our own cupcake tower separately. (see other review for cupcakes).

But you know what I really love about Blue Gardens? -- THEIR STAFF! Special mention to our Account handler ARMIE COLLADO. She's the BEST! She definitely knows what she's doing. She's an Account handler slash Wedding Coordinator mo na rin. Trust me, with Armie there, you don't really need to pay for another wedding day coordinator for your wedding day. Although, my friend Teri volunteered to be Coordinator for the day, she and Armie made a great team.

All in all, we would like to give 4 stars to Blue Gardens. It was jsut right for us but the only reason why I'm not giving them a perfect score because like all things, there are still some improvements that need to be done and some considerations to look at.

One feedback I got was the location was quite challenging. But well, the people who complained about that were my relatives from the province. So ano naman alam nila sa pasikot-sikot sa Manila? Hehe :p But to be fair to them, yeah, I admit Blue Gardens is not really in a prime location but hey Fernwoods is also hard to find. :p Blue Gardens and most wedding venues naman provide maps.

Another thing to consider is the size of the rest rooms, and maybe Blue Gardens can offer valet services for parking. And yes, they should finish that see-through dome/tent over their garden area because it's rainy season already. Thank God in my case, it didn't rain. We really prayed for good weather that day because unfortunately, I was told before by the owners that the cover will be done by April. But April and no cover was to be seen. I really got worried there. But God is Faithful and like he promised, he gave me perfect sunny weather on my wedding day! :-)

Check out their latest rates, venue photos, and other services on these sites:

http://www.thebluegardens.blogspot.com/
http://bluegardens.multiply.com/

Who's the Author of "The Paradox of our Time"?

Yesterday, Pastor Don Cua, the guest speaker for the 10:30AM service of my church the Capitol City Baptist Church, gave his message on “The Positive Influence of the Family”. He started his message by quoting a popular E-mail message that was forwarded around the world. The title of the piece was “The Paradox of our Time”. Here’s the complete version of that e-mail message:


The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've split the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

*Remember spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

*Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

*Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

*Remember, to say, "I love you" to your spouse and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

*Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.


The moment Pastor Don flashed the passage on the screen, I immediately recognized the piece by its opening sentence. It has always been one of my favorite messages of all time because it clearly speaks about our time. And I have always been intrigued by the word “paradox” and how it simply defines where we are right now. Unfortunately, Pastor Don didn't acknowledge the original writer of this very eloquent and moving text.

And I think I know why. The authorship of this piece has been the subject of deliberation for quite some time. And I think a lot of people are still in the dark about the authenticity of the source.

This e-mail has been tagged as one of the more popular “urban legend spam”. I first got hold of this e-mail around in 2002, just a little over a year after 911. In the e-mail that I received, credit for this piece was given to an American stand-up comedian George Carlin who incidentally just passed away last June 22, 2008.

George Carlin allegedly wrote this piece after 911 and just soon after his wife died. Talk went around that being a native New Yorker, this disaster must have really struck a major chord in his heart. For those of you who are not familiar with George Carlin, like I said earlier, he’s an American stand-up comedian, actor, and author who won four Grammy Awards for his comedy albums. Carlin was noted for his political insights, his black humor, and his observations in language, psychology, religion, and many other subjects deemed as taboo by many.

When I first read this piece I was surprised to learn that this poignant writing came from the same person who often delivered his material in a misanthropic and nihilistic fashion. At that time I thought “wow”. I guess this only proves that when disaster hits very close to home, it softens or breaks even the most stone-hard cynics amongst us.

After getting hold of this piece and knowing naively that this is supposedly from the iconoclast George Carlin, I got curious about this guy and started researching about him. Before this wonderful “spam sermon” (as I would like to call it), I was already a bit familiar with Carlin’s works and this DEFINITELY DOES NOT sound like him at all. So I tried to research more about his life and hope to find some proof of significant turn-around that led him to write something “positive” such as this.

Unfortunately, I got rebuked. While doing my text investigation, I found out that George Carlin was NOT the original writer of this proverbial piece. In fact, he emphatically denied he had anything to do with it which he ever refers to as a “sappy load of sh*t” … uhm, ok… I guess that puts an end to our assumption that Mr. Carlin had a life-changing epiphany.

So who wrote this marvelous piece? Is it enough to settle with “Anonymous”? Is it really important for us to know who wrote it? Or is the message strong enough to hold true throughout generations?

A piece like this just didn’t pop up from nowhere. And true enough, my research produced an answer. The original writer was DR. BOB MOOREHEAD, former pastor of Seattle’s Overlake Christian Church. The essay appeared under the title “The Paradox of our Age” in Words Aptly Spoken which is Dr. Moorehead’s 1995 collection of prayers, homilies, and monologues used in his sermons and radio broadcasts. BUT I’m about to tell you a very interesting fact. If Pastor Cua was aware of such fact, this could be the reason why he probably intended NOT to acknowledge the writer. The interesting footnote to this piece is that during Pastor Bob’s tenure at the said church, 17 members of his congregation reported that he had sexually assaulted them. These allegations, which surfaced in 1997, prompted his resignation in 1998. After a year of publicly supporting Moorehead, the church elders withdrew their support, their own investigation into the charges having led them to conclude their pastor had indeed been guilty of molesting a number of male churchgoers.

Whew! Talk about PARADOX! Even the author was a walking paradox himself. Tsk tsk tsk. Well, the human courts may have judged him as guilty, but I think we really can’t know the real story. ONLY GOD KNOWS and we all know he’s accountable to no one but GOD.

But what’s the point of this really LOOOONG PIECE? (hehe) Well, I just want to share my reflections on how we should be careful in picking up tokens of inspiration. Most of us memorize a lot of quotable quotes, from Chinese proverbs, to the Dalai Lama, to genius philosophers, and we even quote some supposedly witty Hollywood directors. I am guilty in a lot of these things. As people we tend to always be moved by what our fellow “humanly imperfect” people say. We quote famous people and give them all the credit in the world and yet what we don’t realize is that all the GOLDEN NUGGETS OF TRUTH that we pass around orally and textually all come from one source. What else is the ultimate source of all things good but JESUS CHRIST? If you study the famous quotes in the world, I really believe that you can all trace them back to the BIBLE – the source of all inspiration, wisdom, goodness, and LOVE.

To those who don’t believe this, let this be a challenge to you. Pick up the Bible and discover God’s word – His promises and the absolute truths that will make all the difference if we all just obey.

Bringing Home the Bacon and Cooking it too

When I was single and pondering about marriage, the thought of being a Housewife never crossed my mind. I thought it was just too impossible to happen. I -- who never ran out of work; who deemed herself as a dynamic career-oriented person -- am now officially a HOUSEWIFE. A true-blue housewife who kept herself busy today by making her homemade pesto sauce. If only my High School Home Econ teacher could see me now. She will be very proud that her once delinquent student who cheated by submitting a store-bought stuff toy to submit to crafts class is now a certified Homemaker!

My 3-year stint with my regular TV show just ended. With no other projects immediately next in line, I find my calendar now completely FREE. This is such a total opposite of what I’ve been through in the first quarter of 2008. Work, Wedding Preparations, not to mention Family Drama just made my life Chaotic. I was gagged and now I can breathe…

Every morning, my husband and I would wake up at around 6-630AM, depending on how much snooze time we give ourselves. He gives me a peck before getting up to proceed to the bathroom. I stay for a few minutes in bed and slowly rise up to say a quick good morning to God before going down to the kitchen to brew our favorite Kapeng Barako (a sack of coffee beans courtesy of my friend Avie; a wedding gift) and re-heat Joseph’s lunch in the microwave, which I have already prepared the night before. My husband is not really a breakfast eater (nobody in their family is one) much to my dismay because I love to prepare a hearty breakfast. Nevertheless, I definitely never allow him to spring off without taking some coffee and a small sandwich at least.

As the smell of coffee wafts the kitchen, I spread Peanut Butter and Jelly on our favorite brand of bread. (I won’t mention their name, not unless they pay me, hehe). After he’s all dressed up for work, my handsome and oohlala freshly-showered husband joins me at our dining table. I love this breakfast bonding that we are habitually doing now. It’s short yet very sweet. We start off by saying our morning prayer together then we just chat. It’s really amazing how we can come up with something interesting to talk about at 7AM. It’s such a blessing to be able to start your day laughing with the one you love.

After the short coffee chat, I see him out of the door by giving him a kiss and a squeeze on the butt, hehe. Then my 5 year old nephew, Kean (who lives with us by the way while his mom is in the States) wakes up at around 8AM. By that time, his breakfast is already set on the table. While he eats, I prepare his lunch baon and his school clothes. My nephew who I actually call my son because he calls me Mommy anyway is a slllooooow eater so while he battles with his omelette and milk, I do a quick E-mail check and read the headlines on my favorite websites:

http://www.clickthecity.com/ for the latest restaurant & movie reviews and events announcements in the city. Joseph and I rely on this on planning our dates and out of town getaways.

http://www.pep.ph/ for the latest in local showbiz happenings (hey as a TV writer, it’s my job to know what’s the latest on Gretchen Barretto :p )

http://www.eonline.com/ for the latest in Hollywood buzz.

http://www.marthastewart.com/ just to stare in awe at her latest PERFECT crafts and cakes which I can’t POSSIBLY make. I tried! I swear! I’m starting to suspect that Martha keeps a missing ingredient in her recipes, hmmm.

my multiply site http://jillaceous.multiply.com/ for the latest updates on my friends and their other friends. It’s really entertaining to know what people are up to, what they’re thinking about, where they went for the weekend, etc… especially if you’re like me who spends most of her days inside the house.

http://www.asianfoodchannel.com/ for the recipes featured on their shows. This is the new channel that’s currently on default on our Skycable.

And of course, I also quickly browse through the headlines on http://www.yahoo.com/ and http://www.msn.com/

When Kean is finally done with breakfast, he takes his vitamins and asthma medication, brushes his teeth, takes a shower, dresses up then gets picked up by the school service at around 10-10:30AM. When he’s gone, that’s the only time I can go back to my bedroom to do my in-depth daily devotional. After that, the rest of the day is filled with cleaning the WHOLE house especially the kitchen, sorting the laundry, picking up Kean’s toys, and experimenting with a new recipe. In between, I chat up with friends over YM. Once or twice a week, I go over at Shopwise to get our groceries. When I have extra time, I pick up from where I left off with the books I’m currently reading, OR just channel-surf (who knows CinemaOne might be playing “Bagets” or Sharon & Miguel Rodriguez’s “To Love Again” hahaha. I can’t even get enough of the “Working Girls but that’s another blog altogether )

At around 3PM, Kean arrives from school. I FORCE him to take a nap just so I could extend my ME TIME. Then when he wakes up after an hour, I let him watch some Disney and Nickelodeon for about an hour. During this time, I start lining up the ingredients for dinner’s main course on the kitchen counter. When his cartoons time is up, I make him go up to his bedroom and give him some workbooks to get busy with. I check him from time to time while the food is simmering on the stove.

Joseph arrives home at around 6-630PM. We sit down for dinner at around 7PM. After which Kean goes through his daily evening routine – brush teeth, take shower, milk, write in his small notebook journal then go to bed and say his prayer. Oh and he needs to have some music while he’s dosing off and he always requests for the 70s classics: Blue Magic’s “Sideshow” and Tavares’s “A Penny for your Thoughts”. Man, this kid’s got some soul!

After tucking Kean in bed, I take off my “mommy” hat and put on the role of “LOVER”, hehe. I join Joseph in the living room where we just snuggle and watch TV together. We love watching Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Dave Letterman, Conan O’Brien and Ellen De Generes. Oh he loves the Asian Food Channel also. We talk, laugh, chill out on regular days. When there’s something serious to talk about, Joseph makes it a point to turn off the TV. We finally head for bed at around 11PM. What happens next is… okay that’s enough.

And that’s the usual picture of my daily life as a housewife. I thought I’d go bonkers doing the same thing over and over again but I was so mistaken. In fact, I confess, I love staying at home. There’s something so affirming when my husband and my little boy comes home with an empty food container. It feels so good to see that the house is clean and that the kitchen counter is spick and span. I find some satisfaction when I am able to color coordinate our clothes in the closet and also arrange them by category. I feel so happy when I find a new recipe and discover that I have all the necessary ingredients in my pantry. Wow, my spice rack is actually extensive.

Some people might find this TOO RETRO. A 50s mindset that is ideal yet impractical and untrue. Well, to be honest, I was one of those people before. And yet again, the old saying holds true – Don’t judge until you’ve walked in the other person’s shoes. I agree that some women may not be natural Martha Stewarts. I’m not either. But in my case, I discovered that I had a hidden homemaker in me, and she’s finally out. With all honesty, I really love where God has put me right now. I know He intended to give me some quiet time so that I can devote more time for Him and for my family, and also for myself.

Recently, I got some calls from a number of QTV shows. They’re all asking me to write for them. These were the type of shows that I have always wanted to write for. I asked about the working schedule and the pay of course. Honestly, we could really use the extra income now since Joseph is the only fixed earner in the household. The offer is tempting but it would definitely put an end to the domestic paradise that I am experiencing right now. Working for a TV network makes the word “harassing” and “demanding” too diminutive.

This made me think about Proverbs 31:11 “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him with all of her life.”

There’s a little bit in me that wants to reject the offer and just ask Joseph to let me stay at home. But would that be fair to him? On the flipside, if I do take their offer, what would happen to my family? Are we going to go back on take-outs and food delivery? How about my quiet time with God?

The management from my last TV show said that my new life priorities don’t seem to match the demands of the show anymore. So that’s why they thought it best to let me go and hopefully find me another show that would fit my writing abilities and my “priorities”. Well, true that I have been more family-oriented in the past months. I did try to juggle work and family though BUT… it seems that it’s really quite a CHALLENGE to achieve some BALANCE. Ok, let me rephrase that. I conclude (at least for myself) that it’s IMPOSSIBLE. Something will always suffer. And in my case, my work suffered in Shall We Dance.

Now that I have another chance to resuscitate my career, this time in the far more demanding world of QTV, I feel divided. How can I be my husband’s perfect partner? By helping him bring home the bacon? Or by “cooking the bacon?” What do you think?

Raising the White Flag as I Wear my White Wedding Gown

“Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also his wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” Ephesians 5:22-24

Every Christian couple who enters pre-marital counseling will inevitably come face to face with this verse on the first day of counseling, if not on the wedding day itself. And wives admit it. Even if you really understood and have come to embrace what the verse meant, didn’t you still feel even the slightest lump sliding down your throat at that time? There was still a tad bit, right? But hey, we still said “I do” so enough said.

I had different reactions to this verse on each of the two significant times that I encountered it. The first time I came across these words was during a wedding of a friend around 4 years ago. I was not a Christian yet. I was livin’ a vida loca! I was dating heavily. I was at the peak of my career. I was earning well. I was at that moment of my life when I thought I knew what I wanted and I felt that I could command my life to go where I want it to be. And so unsurprisingly, the word “submission” felt like needles in my ear when the Pastor was talking about it.

I was sitting at the back row with two of my fellow single female friends and as if on a cue, we all shuddered and raised our eyebrows at the drop of the word. We just couldn’t resist whispering (and hissing) our side comments during the ceremony. Yes, we were that disturbed by the idea. We thought that it was too OBSOLETE. How could “submission” even be practical in this day and age when more women are now beginning to earn twice or thrice over men? How could “submission” even be fair when we are supposed to be living in a world that has already been acquainted with women’s rights and gender equality? In gist, all we could really rant was “Duh it’s the 21st Century! Where have these backward Christians been all this time?”

But of course, how could someone who doesn’t read the bible understand anything that came from its pages? It took me a long time to get to where I am right now in my Christian life. Let me repeat that --- a looooong time.

So anyway, the 2nd significant time I encountered the same verse was the time when I finally confirmed with myself that I am ready to get married, not just to anybody, but to Mr. Joseph Palarca, a Christian man, raised by a Christian family and trained in a Bible-centered Church. The specification here about my husband has a purpose. Being ready to get married versus being ready to get married to a certain someone are two different things. The former may just be a state of readiness in terms of financial, mental, and emotional measurements as it usually is in a secular lifestyle (i.e. I already have a good steady job; I have a house and car; I’m already in my late 20s; I feel ready to settle down, etc, etc) … while the latter is a state of readiness to SUBMIT to the future spouse. I knew I was ready to get married because for the first time I am with a man who I really respect and love, to which I am very willing to submit to.

I already felt that I was ready to marry the moment I acquired my own condominium, and kept a regular fabulous job. I have the money. I have the nest. I only need a MAN to complete this whole set-up. But despite several attempts to find a partner who is willing to share some domestic bliss with me, the idea of marriage slowly turned into a myth from being a dream. I told myself maybe marriage is not for me and altogether just gave up on the idea.

Looking back, I realize now why I frowned at the idea of “submission” the first time I heard it at a wedding. It was simply because I have not dated anyone at that time who was worth submitting to. Reviewing the profiles of all the men I’ve dated before, ALL of them were non-Christians. And no matter how many pogi points they got for their talents and/or good looks, everything was just offset by their lack of spirituality. There was simply nothing in them that commanded me to yield. I always felt and saw myself better than them… until I met Joseph.

When we got engaged, Joseph didn’t have a higher-paying job than me. He didn’t even have enough savings in the bank. I even asked him not to buy me an engagement ring anymore because I knew how much that could make a dent in his wallet. He’s not the risk-taker type. He was silent, reserved, and conservative. In more ways than one, a lot of people in our church circle, and most especially his family, took notice that I tend to be the more dominant one. So the million-dollar question is… CAN I SUBMIT?

If I had not received Christ as my Lord and Savior, this would have been impossible. But now that I am holding hands with God, the Biblical portrait of marriage makes perfect sense. Some might say that this is easy for me because I am a Christian. Some women may feel some resentment when shoved with Ephesians 5:22 and I don’t blame them at all. It does sound vindictive in a way, and somehow prejudiced. But you know what, like everything else, there’s more to it than meets the eye.

Let me tell you why this has become so much easier for me to comprehend and accept. It’s all because I read the Ephesians 5:21 – the last line from the previous chapter, which they (the church or whoever’s teaching about marriage) do not usually include in the scope of study. It says “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”. And most importantly, compared to four years ago, I read and studied the whole passage ‘til Ephesians 5:33 where it ends with “… each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

So contrary to popular secular belief, “submitting” doesn’t mean that we wives must kiss our brains goodbye and be our husband’s slaves for all eternity. As Christian women, we understand that in our submission, our husbands are commanded to love us the way they’re supposed to love God. So imagine that ladies, that’s how important we really are to our husbands. Simply said, we are not merely reduced to just being followers… but we are to follow a leader who is led by God. So with a God-led leader leading us, do we have any other reason not to submit? And you might ask… what if my husband’s not a Christian and he’s just not respectable AT ALL? Well… this is why we should teach our daughters to seek husbands who are in relationship with Christ.

To those who are already married to Non-Christian men, let this passage from 1 Peter 3:1-2 bring you some comfort: “Likewise you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.” I’m sure you have all heard the adage, “Behind every great man is an even greater woman.” Persevere with prayer and by God’s grace, your husband will be worth all the submission.

I have been a staunch believer of women’s lib. I always like to fight for women’s rights. I cheer for women winning in the workplace. But the real victory for me now is to be able to put my ego aside and successfully play my role as the godly wife who loves and respect my husband. Besides, marriage is not about power struggle. Leave the competition in the office. You don’t get a raise in marriage.

My husband is not perfect, but I know God made him perfect for me, which just makes it easier for me to submit. When I married him, I said in my vows that I will even watch WWE wrestling with him (even if I really hate it) because now that we’re one, loving him also means loving everything “unlovable” about him. Ladies, especially to those who have not yet fully understood what Apostle Paul meant in his letter to the Ephesians, “SUBMISSION” is just another facet of our LOVE for our husbands. You would not have married the dude if there weren’t even an ounce of love, right? There must be some LOVE there to get the gears of submission all oiled up.

Wearing a white gown in a wedding doesn’t only symbolize the Bride’s purity… For me most especially, wearing a white gown was like raising my white flag. The day I married was the day I SURRENDERED myself to LOVE.

p.s. Despite the financial crunch, Joseph still surprised me with a beautiful diamond engagement ring. :-)